Siena's Birthday Party

Hey!  Wow, haven't posted to this blog in soooo long!  Dang!

Well, this is a great occasion to do so.  It's Siena's birthday today and we just wanted to post up the program for her birthday party.

Here ya go.

Coming Out

This is a guest post written by Bonnie, which is part of a series on the subject of coming out.

My coming out story. . .Where to begin? You spoke about hind sight and how everything about the past somehow becomes clear once that realization surfaces. It is true. I look back to grade school, junior high and high school and can understand the feelings that were so confusing at the time. But, I sure as hell would not go back and relive any of it. Everyone I’ve ever known, every experience I’ve ever had, has made me who I now am. Still incomplete, a work in progress, but not walking backwards.

I married young, too young, and pregnant. Twenty years old and thought I was ready for anything. NOT! But, at least I was doing things right in the end. Getting married, starting a family. Being normal. Well, a week into my marriage I knew I was not where I wanted to be, and I was in that place for 16 years. A year and a half after having Matthew I gave birth to Mark. Two kids in diapers, married to a man I didn’t love, very poor, this was my hell on earth. And heaven at that same tim e! I loved my boys! I still love the buggers.

I went through a lot of stages in those 16 years. My very domestic stage where I froze and canned and baked and crocheted. My drinking stage, where I went out too often and drank too much, trying to escape the pain. Then there was my I can live like this stage, shove everything under a wall of self resolve. Well, that didn’t work either!!

So, about 14 1/2 years into the marriage I found the right therapist. The wife of our family doctor. Dr. Deena Schaffert, God love her! A real life saver. About my third session I finally spoke the words, “I think I’m gay”. Deena says, “Well, it’s about time. I’ve been waiting for three weeks for you say that.”

It was a difficult year and a half. Staying married while knowing, finally, that I was gay. I had a HUGE crush on a very straight friend. Not the first time, either. Like so many other times in my life I drew strength from my Faith. One foot in front of the other, putting the boys first as much as I was able. With the help of God and Deena I was able to see myself unmarried and surviving on my own. The thought of surviving financially on my own was a fear that weighed on me like an anvil. It was the fear that kept me married.

I had started my own photography business and it was growing. I came out to my husband, got a lawyer and filed for a divorce. Being poor has one advantage. We had nothing to argue over. (Custody of the boys was never an issue) We just had to split up the bills. In Indiana it’s no fault divorce, child support is based on income in a fairly uncomplicated formula. My ex reacted very civil, he knew for a long time that our marriage was not good. We actually had an amicable divorce. I’m not saying there were no problems, no pain. But, knowing so many horror stories about other people’s divorces, this was a walk in the park.

I guess so far this has really been my escape story as much as my coming out story. There is a story connected to each person I have come out to. My siblings, my parents, my sons, my friends, new friends that I make. The story continues.

I am blessed in so many ways. My family has stood by me. My friends have stood by me even though some have religious issues with homosexuality. My sons love both Karen and I, and respect us as their mothers. Our little Elizabeth loves her Tutu and her Oma.

I have the love of my life, my soulmate. We have 15 years of memories and God willing many more years of memories to come. My favorite place on earth is Karen’s right shoulder, no matter where in the world that shoulder is. To rest my head there, standing, sitting, lying, doesn’t matter, I am at peace.

Bonnie

A Coming Out Story

This is a guest post written by Jonnie, which is part of a series on the subject of coming out.


I think coming out is a process. I'm almost 50 and I still have an awkward moment now and then.

When I was a boy, I fantasized about other boys (sexually), but knew it was considered wrong and kept it secret, other than a neighbor boy who was sexually wired the same way I was. It was about sex (and very tame at that), not role playing, or relationships, or love.

But as far as spending my time, talking and watching TV, I was always hanging out with girls. The girl next door was at one point wife material. Later it turned out I discovered she's a Lesbian. I never saw it; all the Tomboy stuff I thought was totally cool. In fact her Uncle and his boyfriend used to visit her parents. I NEVER knew they were boyfriends and Gay, they were just Uncle #1 and Uncle #2. I was so stupid.

When I got into Junior High, I figured it was time to grow up and quit fantasizing about boys. And then in PE class, there was the open showers and locker rooms and so I had a head full of visuals to fantasize about, but kept quiet about all of it. I finally rationalized it that if it was just in my mind, and I didn't do anything with anyone, it was okay.

So this went on and on and on, I didn't date or even mess around. The when I was 21 I had my first adult Gay sexual experience. It was liberating!

Now there were bars and parties and gatherings of people like me. For once I actually found a place I belonged. It was wonderful.

As far as coming out to family, I told my Mom first, but I can't remember how she replied. I think she was more upset when I got my ear pierced because of what people would say.

I suspect she did not talk with her Brother and Sisters or friends, so I guess it was just too much for her to handle. I can't remember telling my Brothers either, or their reactions; however one of them told me only recently that Gay men are all pedophiles.

So now in this story I'm in my late 20's, I'm not considered so cute or young anymore, and I'm tired of the guys I had been around and dated.

However a Gay bar was still a nice place to get a drink and not have to pretend.

One night at the bar, and obviously I wasn't looking for a boyfriend, I met this cool guy who was just out of the Navy and going back to college. He was living on a shoestring budget, no fancy clothes, but smart, warm and really handsome/cute. He is so normal and wholesome, and I thought wow, I'd like to see more of him. The next day we met on the cliffs about the beaches of La Jolla and talked and watched the gliders - we just clicked...

6 months later I moved in with him. And now 20 years later I can tell you he's the very best thing that ever happened to me.

You can share bits and pieces, all, or even a summary of my email - just don't publish my actual email address please.

Mahalo, malama pono and a hui hou!
(thank you, take care and see ya later)

Oceans of Aloha,
Jonnie and Earl